From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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