I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
