Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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