I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
