pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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