went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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