No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
