The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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