...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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