i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
