Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
someone owes me an orgasm
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
