that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
