if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I skipped work to stalk him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
