haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my being single is dangerous.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
