Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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