I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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