we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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