i just wanna soil my oats bro
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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