Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
