My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
