She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i love accidental penises.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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