My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
