my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
