i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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