i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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