so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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