I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
