I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so that wasnt chicken after all
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
