it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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