Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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