I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
