do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
