at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
