hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you made out with another girl for some wings
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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