Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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