you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
