All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
