i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
