that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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