i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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