it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
