so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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