You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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