I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
