she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
