I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
3pm strippers are depressing
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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