god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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