If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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