No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
