I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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