i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
