Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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